Most Desired
by InkQuillz
Summary: Arthur has always taken what he wants, this is no different. Only… This time he finally sees the destruction he left behind. One sided Merlin/Arthur. ADDED! NEW ENDING for the romance lovers.
1. Chapter 1

_Title: Most Desired  
Author:XxXCrookshanksXxXP3/Sunset_Endings  
Spoiler Warning: No spoilers, I don't think.  
Genre: Angst, one-sided romance.  
Rating:(Remember, this is a PG-13 Board.) NC-17  
Chapter: 1/1  
Summary: Arthur has always taken what he wants, this is no different. Only… This time he finally sees the destruction he left behind.  
Authors Notes: Horrendously out of character. :) On Merlin's part at least if not Arthur too._

_Disclaimer: Characters/places belong to the BEEB._

* * *

The sunlight outside the window seemed to tease him out of bed, the blinding light bouncing from every shined surface and into his sleep-weary, sensitive eyes. He groaned and closed them tightly and tried his hardest to ignore it. Even as he rolled over there was no escape and hiding under his pillow would only fill his nose with tickling feathers that had started to leak from a small, finger sized hole in the center. He'd have complained to Merlin to fix it, if only for the fact he'd did it himself with a reason behind it far too embarrassing to relay to the ears of the too innocent manservant. Just as he is about to give up and just get out of bed and hide himself behind the screen at the back of the room to change his breeches; the door opened with a bang against the wall behind it. A scruffy head of black hair emerged first, followed by a grinning face and slim body carrying a silver tray laden with cooked bread, eggs and pigs meat. The smell of the salted animal and the warm doughy scent of bread made him smile almost dopily as he turned around the face the door properly, allowing himself to take in the familiar sight of his completely terrible servant.

"Mornin'" He chimed though Arthur can tell he wasn't quite as bright and happy as he was making out. Not that he can really blame him. Arthur was none to happy about waking either but yet it must be done. Merlin however, would have to have woken a good few hours ago to have been washed, dressed and have a cooked meal.

"Mm." Is the only reply the Prince offered as he pulled the covers up over his shoulders, he watched with mild interest as Merlin pulled the first platter of bread off the tray and onto the old wooden table in front of Arthur's throne-like chair. He continued to bustle around, putting the meat dish down and then filling a goblet with freshly squeezed apple juice. He can only tell it is fresh because Merlin does such a lousy job of making juice that it usually results it parts of the fruit still mixed with the drink. More than once Arthur had been forced to swallow lumps of fleshy apple with his morning meal.

"Do you have training today?" Merlin inquires whilst pulling an apple from his pocket and placing it beside the platter of bread; then began to fuss over silverware, making sure he'd put the right instruments out.

"No." Arthur grumbled out, eyes shutting against the sunlight that Merlin had been blocking with his body seconds before. "Why are my curtains open?"

"I opened them." Merlin answered and moved toward the large wardrobe at the back of the room and pulled out Arthur's day clothes; fresh with the knowledge he was not in need of his armour.

"No. You only just got here; I've been suffering ever since I awoke."

"Did you not think to get out of bed and close them, then?" Arthur glared, having turned over onto his back so he could watch Merlin's progress through the room. Merlin barely spared him a glance as he worked.

"No I did not, it is not my job to go around correcting the idiotic work of my supposed servant. When did you open them? Last night?"

Probably a foul trick the man had pulled just so that he would be forced to wake up at the crack of dawn.

"I was here earlier, I tided up a bit." He can see a small blush appear on the boys face and for the life of him he couldn't understand it. What he had to be blushing at? Arthur turned his attention to the room and indeed, his clothes from the night before were now hung over the screen waiting for Merlin to take them to be washed.

"Do not open my drapes before I am awake in future then." Merlin was never early; he did not like the idea of the manservant probing around his room whilst he was unconscious. Mostly because whilst asleep he had no control of what came out of his mouth and he knew full well that if he spoke in his sleep then he'd be narrating situations that would likely have had Merlin with a permanent pink face.

Merlin nodded, still not looking directly at Arthur. "Are you getting up now, sire?"

It used to annoy Arthur greatly how Merlin managed to make the simple word,_ sire, _into a mockery of the title. He had this tone about him when he said it that hinted to Arthur that being Royal made no difference to Merlin's thoughts of him. But the idea of someone who didn't care about money and titles was somewhat refreshing once the initial shock of it had been passed.

Arthur sighed heavily and sat up, Merlin, at the movement, turned to stare at him and then looked away almost immediately. The blankets had pooled around his waste and from belly button upward he was completely on view, he wasn't sure what the issue was there because Merlin had seen him in this state many a time. With a role of his eyes Arthur threw his legs over the side of the bed. The legs of his breeches shot down to meet his feet, sleep had driven them up.

"Oh, grow up Merlin." He had the good grace to smile weakly and move back to the table, he rearranged the goblet's placement and the pitcher of juice and waited for Arthur to re-emerge from behind the screen appropriately dressed.

Merlin had always been the odd one out so Arthur rarely took notice of his bumbling ways, he was always the idiot no matter what he did; so did it matter much what he was doing at any given time?

"The food has gone cold. Shall I take it to be heated through again?"

"No, leave it. It is fine; get on with whatever it is you're supposed to be doing."

Merlin nodded and moved to the bed and pulled the blankets to the bottom of the large mattress. He took his time stripping it and Arthur watched closely, trying not to blush when Merlin coughed to hide his own embarrassment; he had forgotten just how sticky he had made the bed last night. Drunk and horny for his servant hadn't boded for a good combination, he'd laid awake hours before he finally sated enough for sleep. He looked down to his food and probed it with his fork; glad to every god there ever was that Merlin could not read minds.

If Merlin cared to look, the back of his pillow, alongside the hole, would have grazes in the material from where his nails had dug into it, and there were likely teeth marks from where he'd bitten it so hard. He'd had to turn the pillow over in order to be able to sleep on it without suffocating on goose feathers and breathing in his own saliva. At the sheer memory of it the blood left his face and instead gathered in his lap. He bit down and then quickly shoved a mouthful of meat into his mouth to prevent any groans. Dreaming about Merlin certainly had a strange affect on Arthur. He'd slept with servants before, but _female_ servants, he'd of course had sex with men. After a long and gruelling battle, it wasn't completely unusual for the Knights to find themselves sleeping with each other while camping before the return to Camelot. The strict conduct of: What happens outside Camelot stays there. There would be a very big difference in taking a man to bed with him in _his_ bed.

It was hard however not to be tempted when the idiot was brushing past him constantly, leaning over to whisper to him during feasts: "More wine, sire?" Arthur swore the prat knew what he was doing and was doing it on purpose to make Arthur suffer for his thoughts.

His breeches were tightening considerably and he knew well enough that one quick night with Merlin and all desires would be forgotten. It had always been like that for him, Arthur had needed immediate gratification, what he wanted when he wanted it. But he couldn't have Merlin and so the thoughts lived on. From across the room Merlin was grinning. Frowning himself, Arthur began to speak but was cut off by a small burst of laughter, one of his servant's eyebrows were cocked up, the grin curling his lips and elongating his face.

"I didn't have you down for a daydreamer." He chuckled and continued to fold the dirtied blankets into a wicker basket, ready to be carried down with the clothes from last nights feast.

"Do be quiet Merlin. Take those away; I want clean sheets on there before I get back from my ride with Morgana."

"Sire." The sullen answer hung in the air as Merlin grabbed the basket, reached out long fingers to snag the material from the screen and throw it into the basket on top of the linen as he passed. He left without a glance back. Arthur however, snuck a hand under the table and became to jerk himself off to memory of last night's most wonderful dream.

He'd have to get Merlin drunk and bed him then kick him out before he got any ideas. He got the feeling Merlin wouldn't understand the difference between one night and a committed relationship.

0**A**o**M**0**A**o**M**0

Merlin did not return before he and Morgana headed out on their afternoon ride, three Guardsmen trailing behind them. As usual, Morgana bore an 'I know something you don't' smirk as she greeted Arthur at his chambers, the muttered. "I thought girls were supposed to take longer in dressing?" Had been passed and she'd turned and had been at the stables a whole ten minuets before Arthur reappeared with a glare.

"Are you going to tell me or am I to guess?" She finally sighed as they trotted over a large bridge just a mile from Camelot.

"Tell you what, Morgana?" He was in no mood for her taunts and turned to look at her sideways.

"About Merlin of course." She smirked; her dark hair blew over her shoulders in a sudden gust of breeze, covering half her face for a short while. He didn't need to see her face to know she had that smug, self-satisfied look about her, though. Quirking an eyebrow at her, Arthur retorted harshly.

"What about him?" They continued to ride, Morgana now chuckling as Arthur nervously turned to see how far away the Guards were and whether or not their voices were to be carried back to them.

"Gwen said he nearly mowed her down this morning. What did you do to him?"

"Absolutely nothing. The idiot was skulking around my room before I was awake."

"Oh. So you mean he was being a servant and turning up on time?" She mocked and he sneered at her, turning away.

"What's Gwen to say for his behaviour then?" He asked, ignoring her.

"Just that he looked as though he'd been scared witless."

"He's always witless, an utter idiot. I did nothing to him, I wasn't even awake."

"Ah… I see." And she kicked the horse and sped up, laughing as she left Arthur to his thoughts. He stared, mouth agape as it all suddenly seemed to fall into place. He knew now what had scared Merlin, what had made him blush this morning when he'd seen Arthur shirtless, when he'd seen the come splattered sheets… Merlin _knew_.

0**A**o**M**0**A**o**M**0

"How was your ride?" Merlin asked as he poured wine into Arthur's goblet. The room was uncharacteristically tidy and the sheets replaced. Merlin had for once outdone himself, most likely hoping the sooner everything was done the sooner he could leave.

"Fine." He replied, his tone sharp as he grabbed for the newly filled goblet and downed some of the thick red liquid, letting it slosh around his mouth and slither down his throat. He was glad to feel light headed already.

"Do you want me to help with that oily stuff…?" Usually Arthur would have snarled at Merlin's inability to sound professional. Not that Arthur knew the name of the potion either but said 'oily stuff' was a mixture Gaius had been giving to Arthur since he'd first started riding. He knew Morgana and his father used it too. It soothed his muscles after riding for long distances; making sure he wouldn't wake up stiff and in pain the next morning. It wouldn't do to be wincing just walking down the corridors, it wasn't a very princely thing to do.

"No." Arthur muttered unaware that Merlin had raised a brow at him in shock.

"Fine. Shall I leave now?"

"Do you want to leave?"

"Well, if all my chores are done, Sire, I have no reason to stay."

"Very well. Then fetch me the remedy."

At that, Arthur gulped the rest of his wine and stripped himself of his shirt before crossing the room and flopping down with no grace what-so-ever onto the bed.

He heard Merlin's feet stop at his side and turned to stare at him with a small frown. "Get on with it, Merlin. I wish to sleep."

His servant's hands were soft and warm. They pressed into every muscle of his body, the slickness of the oil soaking into his skin. It made his muscles tingle pleasantly and as Merlin ran his fingers up and down Arthur's arms, the Prince shuddered involuntarily; painfully aware of the hardness now pressed into the mattress below him. He had to bite his lip to prevent himself moaning in pleasure; it wouldn't do to make the situation any more uncomfortable for either of them.

Merlin's hands glided over his shoulder blades, around his neck and then back down over his spine. By now Arthur was growing restless. The need to bring his hands down to touch himself and relieve some of the uncomfortable pressure was getting harder and harder to resist the longer Merlin's hands were on his skin. It felt like the servant was scorching him, those warm, gentle hands feeling like fire against his icy skin.

Those sinful hands were then pressing against his sides and he makes circular movements as he massaged his way to the center of Arthur's back. He was biting on the pillow now as Merlin's hands found the hem of his breeches and then quickly pushed back up, away from dangerous areas. Arthur could have cried out in frustration but instead closed his eyes tighter and bit harder on the feather pillow.

"…Go down, Merlin."

"Sorry?"

"Down; move your hands down."

Merlin obliged by once again stopped at the hem of the fabric prison. He could feel Merlin frozen over him, he seemed utterly terrified. Mostly because Arthur had never made him do more than his back, after all, Arthur hadn't ever been keener to feel Merlin's hands all over his body before.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Pull them down."

He was aware now that he was in danger of exposing just how much he was enjoying this attention, but decorum be damned. He was past the point of caring what was respected and he was far to gone to remember his earlier enlightenment that Merlin was not interested in taking part in this experiment.

Merlin's broken nails caught the flesh on his back as fumbling fingers yanked the waist band down. He could practically feel the heat radiating off Merlin as his hands ghosted over Arthur's arse; The Prince moaned aloud then, too late to dive his face back into the security of the pillow. "Gods, Merlin!"

Merlin stepped away from the bed. "I don't- This isn't a good idea…"

And with that Merlin had moved away. With a muttered curse, Arthur yanked his breeches back up and slid himself off the bed. Pressing himself against the back of his servant; the blond grinned and pressed himself tighter against a shivering Merlin.

"It's a great idea." He wrapped an arm around Merlin's waist and slipped his hands into the dirty, worn breeches Merlin was wearing. To his surprise no hard flesh greeted him, only Merlin's shocked gasp. "Merlin…" He soothed, stepping back to the bed and pulling the ever so slightly taller warlock with him.

"What are you doing? Stop it now."

"I can't." He breathed into Merlin's ear; he felt guilty but held no desire or motivation to release him. "I can't stop thinking about it."

"I know you can't, but it's wrong."

Arthur laughed and Merlin shivered against him again. He was aware his own laugh had sounded more predatory than amused but Merlin didn't seem moved by fear but rather anticipation. Arthur's hand was still stroking over the softened cock and his servant was slowly giving in to it. It had to be said. Merlin had a lot more self-control that his master had.

"It's not wrong. No one will know…" Merlin nodded and smirking in success; the Prince turned him around to face him. He cupped the younger boys chin and cheek with one hand, the other hand wound around his head to bring Merlin forward. He pressed their lips together firmly. Merlin seemed startled, either that or unsure how exactly to do it. Smiling against the other's mouth; Arthur pulled back and stroked Merlin's cheek in an almost affectionate way.

He took another step back and sat on the edge of the bed then held out a hand to bring Merlin with him. For once, Merlin looked shy and lost; somewhat like a little boy being brought to a new home. Sheepishly Merlin looked at the floor as Arthur pulled him against him, kissing his chest and stomach.

Arthur moaned against the delicious flesh and then yanked at Merlin's sleeves, telling him to take the shirt off altogether; just pushing it up was no longer acceptable. The red material slipped over the kissed torso for a second whilst Merlin worked the roped fastening and scarf. It wasn't long before it was on the floor, rumpled not far from Arthur's own.

"Better. Now sit here." He indicated the bed, giving Merlin the spot closest to the pillows. Again, Merlin did not object and sat. That lost puppy look still plastered across his narrow face.

Arthur loved Virgins. They were so much more fun to take than those who had been passed around and used many a time. There was something tenfold more exciting about taking a virginal Merlin. As Arthur pressed another kiss to the skinny lad's mouth, Merlin groaned and leaned into it. Kissing back properly, his hands however, remained tightly knotted in his lap. Needing more, Arthur pushed the warlock back; Merlin's head hit the pillow and was lying at an awkward angle. His legs were still flicked over the side of the bed and Arthur lying across him. It was putting a strain on the darker haired boy's muscles; his legs were losing feeling as the half naked prince grunted in annoyance and knelt over Merlin instead; desperately seeking a more comfortable position to use in order to get closer to Merlin.

His servant stared up at him, lips bright and swollen, fingers curled in the soft silk of the duvet, hair sticking to his forehead. Arthur licked his lips and pressed forward again, this time using a hand to pull Merlin onto the bed properly.

Merlin still hadn't touched him back whereas Arthur couldn't keep his hands away from Merlin's pale skin. He brushed over ribs and nipples and sensitive skin, then dived down to copy the movement with his mouth; eager to taste. He was growing restless and his ignored cock was throbbing harder than ever. With a growl, he grabbed Merlin's hand and ran it over his own stomach. His eyes fluttered closed and with the action, he missed Merlin's alarmed expression. With his fingers still tight around Merlin's wrist, Arthur tucked the boys hand into his breeches; groaning loudly as the warm hands touched over his neglected organ.

"Oh." He breathed into Merlin's cheek, begging himself not to explode just yet. Merlin looked terrified, it was becoming apparent that not only had he never had sex with another person, he clearly hadn't touched them either.

Arthur slid his hand over Merlin's hand and pressed on his fingers to make them curl around his achingly hard arousal. "Come on, Merlin. Please…" He was panting and squeezing Merlin's hand tightly. He wasn't completely naive. He could see quite clearly what Arthur needed from him. But he wasn't sure exactly how to go about… Two men couldn't sleep together. It seemed impossible to Merlin and so he had gathered that for two men, this was the alternative; jerking each other off. It seemed simple enough, like all those nights he'd spent doing it for himself.

"You saw me, didn't you; this morning calling for you?" Arthur grunted through a panted voice. Merlin nodded and the blond sighed and kissed him urgently. "I've needed this ages, didn't know how to ask you…" He stroked a hand across the narrow jaw line, then moving up to take Merlin's earlobe between his thumb and forefinger. He took a second to look at the lobe before diving forward and taking it in his teeth and biting lightly.

"I don't know why I keep think these things though." There wasn't anything particularly special about Merlin. In fact he was quite normal in look, average. It wasn't Merlin's face that was attracting him, though it wasn't exactly unpleasant to look at. It was his outright disregard for Royalty and the respect it should command. It was his complete lack of ability in anything. Arthur found it… Endearing.

Merlin made a small noise in the back of his throat. His hand was still captive in Arthur large, bear like claw as the Prince moved it up and down his length. Eyes tightly shut as he nibbled on Merlin's shoulder. The warlock suddenly reached out and grabbed Arthur's own shoulder and clutched it tightly for a second before pushing it and struggling from Arthur's hand.

"Stop. Stop."

Arthur had no intentions of stopping and just pushed Merlin back down before claiming the slightly swollen lips with his own and grinning.

"Don't be nervous. We'll go slow… Not going to hurt. Won't hurt you…" It trailed off into a whimper as he felt himself crawl closer and closer to the edge. It seemed completely unrelated that the boy no longer wanted anything to do with this.

"Please, Arthur! Stop it!" That cry however caught his attention and the blond stopped his movements. His breath panted between them as a desperately terrified servant tried to fight his way to a sitting position. "I don't want to."

Arthur wanted to yell and hit out. Call him a tease and a whore and threaten him for all he was worth but that narrowed face contorted with horror and pain was enough for it to all crash around him. He sighed, released Merlin's hand and let the boy's hand slide from his breeches.

"Why not?"

"I don't know how, it doesn't feel right…" Merlin's tone was almost high pitched as he looked down at his lap in mild shame. Arthur reached out to touch the delicate skin before pulling his chin up to meet his eyes. He smiled softly at Merlin and lent into kiss him.

"It'll be fine, I promise it'll feel really right in a minuet." He stroked down Merlin's sides and licked his lips as he imagined tasting him again.

Merlin lay hesitantly down on the bed again whilst Arthur worked on his promise. He grabbed the oil from the side where Merlin had left it; there was no taking it slow now, lest Merlin have a change of heart again. He grumbled something inaudible into Merlin's neck, it was supposed to be a gesture of reassurance but the sweaty skin there had turned his voice to nothingness. He moaned again when Merlin arched into his touch but still kept his hands at his sides. It was so unlike Merlin to await instruction and command, he usually did what he wanted and when he wanted to. He wasn't sure if this strange, shy Merlin was better or not.

"God… Touch me, Merlin…" He slid a warm hand down the length of Merlin's right arm and waited for the limb to move up and grab his shoulder again, his other hand shakily reached to place a hand on Arthur's hip. It wasn't much but it was good enough and the blond beamed and lowered his head down to capture his lips in a kiss.

All the while he was lining himself up and once Merlin was distracted enough, he pushed one finger into the tight ring of muscle and waited for a second before twisting and bending it. The darker boy made a low rumbling noise in the back of his throat, his hands clasping tighter on the curve of Arthur's shoulders. The second finger curled in after and Merlin was vocalising his agreement. Head arching back in a delicious way, the blond bent and sucked along Merlin's throat and Adam's apple, taking pleasure in the salty taste of sweaty skin.

"Ar—Arthur—" He managed and then cried out as the third finger stretched inside him. Arthur chuckled and buried his face deeper in the crook of his servant's neck. The boy was arching up against him, small needy cries escaping his perfect pink lips.

He ran his hand down Merlin's body again and then back up to cup a cheek. He tried to smile but it faltered on his face. "It might hurt." Merlin didn't seem to care anymore, he just whimpered and waited.

With a smooth thrust up, Arthur forced himself in and the yelp that was his response seemed to override his own muffled groan of pleasure. "You feel good. This feels so…" He was cut off by Merlin's panting breathing. He swallowed nervously and tried to move himself carefully onto his elbows over the younger boy. "Is it alright?"

He didn't answer for a long while but when he finally did it was a muted nod and then a smile. "Odd." Arthur chuckled and then scrunched his eyes up as tight as he could. It was uncomfortable to say the least; being still like he was whilst hard and needy. It felt like an age before the warlock bucked his hips.

"Sure?" Arthur gave him in warning and when the nodded yes was given, he thrust in and out a few times before pausing again, noting the way that pretty face scrunched up in either hurt or desire; he wasn't sure which it was.

"You stopped?" He grunted out, his features smoothing back to how they were before.

Arthur thrust forward again and the following moan was encouragement enough for him to keep going. He sighed in relief as the tight walls relaxed a little, only to tighten again as the pleasure increased in the warlock. "More! Please! Hurry!"

The Prince laughed at each grunted cry from his servant's mouth but it did not stop the boy from following the commands. With each yell of need, Arthur met with a roughly angled push. Sweeping his hands down Merlin's arching body he took the boy in his hand and moved in time with his own pace. By that point Merlin was practically screaming; it was a good job really that no one was outside; they'd have thought that Arthur was brutally murdering his manservant. A thought that made the Prince smirk, he loved the sounds ripping from Merlin's throat, loved that he was the cause of them. The virgin that he was, was opening up around Arthur. His hands were physically raking over his skin and he'd been so tentative to do so before.

He stooped his head and kissed the opened mouth belonging to Merlin who greedily kissed back, he clutched his master's neck and hair to keep him in place. He was desperate and closer now; Arthur could see the barely contained wildness in his eyes. With one final grunt and thrust from Arthur, the warlock let out a strangled cry and came smoothly over their joined bodies. Arthur followed not long after, murmuring 'Oh god, oh god' in a horse voice as he rode it out with Merlin clinging to him.

0**A**o**M**0**A**o**M**0

A shadow passed over the wall opposite them in the flicker of the candles around the room. He had not remembered falling asleep though he presumed he must have done. The odd feeling of joyfulness and relief washed over him in memory and with a satisfied smirk he sunk back into the mattress further still. He wanted to ignore the lump against his chest; it was the only downside to an evening well spent.

He lowered his head and took in the site of the messy head of dark hair. The breath ghosting over his muscles made him shiver and he lowered his hand to stroke back a lock of it. He didn't usually let anyone spend the night and it felt odd to have someone against him still. He sighed and raised his hands to his face.

He'd been weak; he knew Merlin was off limits. He knew Merlin was not the kind of person who was going to understand how this worked; he didn't want this, not really, what he had wanted was his one night fulfilment. It had been topped by the fact his servant had no experience what so ever, he loved those innocent virgins who believed everything you told them and accepted it all in their stride. He groaned again, Merlin's terrified face looking up at him, those bright blues eyes trusting him implicitly, he remembered not having the heart to tell him to leave.

He didn't know what he was going to do now though, he'd pushed the thoughts away well enough, the occasional dream should have sufficed but instead he'd taking it too far. He'd have to see the boy everyday after this, have him dress him whilst knowing the idiotic mind was remembering images of their sweaty bodies rubbing together. Merlin groaned and shifted in his sleep, he hoped he'd get up soon. This was becoming unbearable. He'd never felt so guilty after sex before.

He felt the graze of the boy's eyelashes against his skin and knew his eyes had opened. It was a good job it was still dark, people would be asleep and Merlin might well pass through the halls unnoticed, if he was careful.

He closed his eyes, feigned sleep as Merlin lifted his head. He heard him stretch out with a soft rumbled, sleep filled sound then twist on the bed. He hoped he bought the sleeping act, perhaps he'd leave and the awkwardness could be left till tomorrow at least. Instead he felt the naked body twist up the bed and the warm breath of his servant as he bent down and kissed his lips, a soft, almost childlike laugh escaping his mouth as he lay back down: This time beside him rather than over him.

'Oh god.' Arthur mentally cursed; he'd have to kick him out…

He inhaled sharply and then turned to face Merlin, as his eyes opened he was met with the deliriously happy expression of Merlin's face. The pointed, narrowed features he had been kissing before were now seeping excitement. It was almost heartbreaking to be here, doing this.

"Merlin-" He began and then closed his eyes to sigh.

"What?" The other answered before moving to kiss him again.

"You need to go now." Arthur finally managed when Merlin pulled back and rested his head against the pillow; he nearly missed the small frown that creased Merlin's face. The boy laughed softly and snuggled closer to the Prince.

"Why? It's much comfier here than in my bed." He was grinning again, that silly, endearing and annoying grin that Arthur both loved and hated.

"Just go now, Merlin." It might have been the finality of the tone or the expression on Arthur's face but finally Merlin seemed to get the message and with a rather slow movement he slid away and then off the bed. He bent down for his clothes, sending a hurt look in Arthur's direction; one which was ignored as Arthur turned away from him.

"I, erm, - Did I—" Arthur looked over his shoulder at a nervous looking Merlin as he held his shirt in his hands and stared over at Arthur with wide eyes. He trailed off and looked at the floor. He looked ashamed and Arthur imagined the rest of the sentence was: _Did I do it wrong?_ "Never mind…" He pulled the shirt over his head and tied his breeches quickly. Arthur could make out the way that face was contorted to mild horror now.

He tried to block out the pathetic snivelling sound of his servant attempting not to cry. He'd taken his virginity, told him to trust him and then had kicked him out with no explanation.

"I'll go then." He managed as he grabbed the last of his items: that ever permanent scarf.

"Oh! Merlin!" The boy turned and for a split second he looked almost hopeful. The guilt was crushing Arthur now but it was too late to turn back time, he should never have slept with Merlin in the first place. He pushed himself up onto one elbow, already thinking of a way to at least make attempts at amending the situation. "Come here?"

Merlin smiled and stepped back, though he looked edgy at best. "Please don't tell anyone, about this, us. It wouldn't look too good if the Prince of Camelot started bedding men. Don't worry about tomorrow either; I won't be here so I'll see you the day after?" Arthur smiled again, attempting to look honest and confident. Merlin nodded jaggedly before bolting from the room. The door shut with a snap and Arthur practically sagged as the tension disappeared with it.

That hadn't gone well. He'd explain it properly when Merlin returned for work.

0**A**o**M**0**A**o**M**0

It was most likely and in his best judgement a way for him to prove his own manliness because no sooner had Merlin left, Arthur had gotten himself up and dressed. He needed to find someone, a female someone in which to erase the memory of Merlin with. One had not been hard to find. He'd dragged her willingly back to his bed and for the rest of the night they'd touched and had sex without sleep, Arthur couldn't risk sleeping, he needed to keep going until it was all forgotten… As morning broke he found himself over her, she was practically attacking his neck and he was all too willing to let her as he closed his eyes, face angled at the wall.

He grunted his release and collapsed over the maid's body. She laughed and kissed his cheek; head rolling back as he responded with a nibble to her throat. Her smooth skin moved beneath his able lips.

"I have duties sire." She flirted, even whilst stripped and thoroughly sexed. He grinned and moved away with further explanation.

"Then I shall let you go." She giggled again and rose from the bed, the silk slipping down her slim form. Arthur practically drooled at the sight and watched as she dressed herself, she did it slowly, knowing he was watching and giving him a show for the final goodbye. It was just as she slipped her legs into a pair of stockings did the door open. Merlin entered with a broad grin but it froze in place at the sight of it. He flinched and his eyes darted from the bed to the silver tray he was carrying.

"Oh. Morning Merlin." The maid chimed and dressed quicker, covering her naked form from view. Arthur remained staring as impassively at his servant as he could. He tried to ignore the almost heartbroken expression on his face.

He wasn't sure what Merlin was doing there anyway, the idiot had nodded when he told him not to come in, yet here he was with breakfast; Arthur's favourite: Pancakes and lemons.

"I just came with- Well, it is breakfast. I'll just leave it-, it's here. I'll come back later."

He rushed out looking flustered with one last despairing look at the blond who was sprawled across the bed with the covers barely covering his lower half.

"That was embarrassing." The maid giggled and her face flushed from the sleepless night, she offered one last wink and left; her hips wiggling side to side as she stepped out the door.

0**A**o**M**0**A**o**M**0

"Are you completely out of your mind?" Morgana's voice was almost as painful as the several slaps she had delivered to his face when she had arrived in his room: both unannounced and uninvited. "Ask me where Gwen is, go on!" Her glaring eyes would have had any other man glaring but Arthur merely frowned, so used to it by now.

"And… Why would I care where your servant is?"

"I'll tell you." She continued as though he had indeed answered. "She's with Merlin, she and Gaius have spent the best part of the morning trying to work out why he won't leave his room."

She didn't need to say anymore, Arthur bowed his head. "Oh."

"Yes, 'oh'; what did you do to the poor boy?"

"What makes you think I did anything? You said yourself he was acting strangely yesterday!"

"Yes! after seeing you, now he's locked himself in his room; God knows how but I'm pretty sure I can figure out why! Has this got to do with yesterday?"

"Erm, I really don't think it's any of your business. If you're missing your handmaiden's company I suggest you demand she spends less time worry about some childish idiot and spend more time doing her job. Wouldn't hurt you to show a little more discipline, would it?"

"Wouldn't hurt you to show a little more consideration." She stormed off, leaving Arthur to wallow in the knowledge that he'd hurt his servant a lot more than he'd have liked to admit too.

He'd given in, in concern with Merlin once already. He wasn't willing to fail in that respect again; so even as the guilt, and dare he admit it, the loneliness, threatened to take hold. Arthur remained unmoving. It had been two days since he'd been 'caught' by Merlin and the boy had yet to return to do his duties, proving more solidly that he really was the worst servant in history.

0**A**o**M**0**A**o**M**0

"I can't believe you!"

"What've I done now, Morgana?" He sighed, placing the goblet on the table and looking up at her; one hand holding him up using the table and the other resting on his hip as he awaited the ward's judgement.

"Merlin, you fool. He's making himself sick and you're not even batting an eyelid. What has gotten in to you? I thought you cared for the boy?"

"He's my servant- Was my servant, you don't-"

"Oh, shut up. We both know you don't buy into that crap any more than I do. You might not admit it to Uther but we both know you don't want Merlin to hurt."

"Of course I don't…" He relinquished the grasp on his cool exterior and sat down on the chair. He let out a groan. "I messed it up."

"I know that." Arthur spared her a glance; she was smirking in her small victory. "Why didn't you just let him down gently? I know sensitivity isn't your strong side but you can't even manage it for Merlin?"

"What?" He leaned forward, frowning up at the girl as she mimicked the movement, looking just as confused as he did. "Let him down? I slept with the guy and he got the wrong idea, there was no way to let him down gently, what ever I said would have had him pouting like a girl."

"Slept- You did what?"

"What are you talking about?" It was the dawning realisation, he and Morgana were clearly not sharing the same conversation.

"I was talking about him being in love with you! I thought you laughed at him because he confessed or something… That's what I thought the whole 'scared witless' thing was about. I thought he told you he loved you and you laughed it off!"

"Why would he tell me he was in love with me?"

"You aren't that stupid, Arthur? You're not blind! You must see the way he looks at you? The way he talks to you and the way he talks about you… Arthur the poor boys' in love and you slept with him and cast him aside like all your other whores?"

"Morgana!" His mind was all one big blur, it all seemed too stupid to him but the language from the usually elegant and sophisticated Morgana had put a stop on everything. Once it slowly sunk in he felt a sinking feeling he couldn't place gripped tight on his heart; making it harder to breathe. "Oh god!"

"What were you thinking?"

"I don't think you _really_ need me to answer that, do you?" She shook her head, looking disgusted; still stood there at the opposite end of the table.

Outside the hustle and bustle of the city seemed enough of a distraction, he stood slowly and moved to the twilight lit square below. Knights were moving swiftly across the courtyard, capes billowing in the breeze behind them as they marched; heads high. "I don't feel like that for him." He answered slowly. Morgana sighed heavily.

"I think he deserves to hear that though, don't you?"

"You mean he hasn't guessed already?" He tried to joke but was met with a stifling silence. "I'm not good with feelings; chances are I'll make him want to throw one of us off the roof…"

0**A**o**M**0**A**o**M**0

Gaius' chambers were darker than his own rooms anyway but even more so with only the flicker of a few candles lighting it. The elderly physician stared at him through wizened eyes and for a moment he felt like he was five years old again, trying to conceal the fact that he'd cut himself playing with the knives he was told not to touch rather than falling over like the story he told the healer. He knew well enough Gaius could read him well enough, he knew by the expression on his face he was the one guilty of Merlin's misery.

"Can I see him?"

"If he'll let you in I dare say you could try." The physician responded and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, an eyebrow raised. Arthur nodded and moved to the stairs. He paused and caught his breath before ascending the narrow bend of the concrete steps. He knocked twice at the door and to his surprise it opened upon contact with his fist. He entered and looked up to see Merlin.

He was sat on the bed, head resting against his knees. He looked and then turned away immediately before the Prince could even get in a word. Closing the door softly, Arthur stepped forward and then sat on the edge of the bed. He couldn't bring himself to say this whilst looking at the man he'd perfectly crushed in his own greed.

"I'm sorry." Merlin didn't answer, but he wasn't really expecting him to say anything. "I didn't realise when I-"

"Made a really big mistake and slept with your servant?" Arthur looked up. He'd never heard that tone in Merlin's voice before. He sounded disgusted, but it was at himself, not at Arthur. He sounded angry and cold and it was all directed at him self. It was that realisation above all others that forced him round. Arthur hadn't made the boy hate him; he'd made him hate himself. He'd never once felt this kind of shame before, he'd never felt apologetic for anything he'd done and yet the sight of Merlin near tears was enough to make him want to change everything about himself.

"No… It's not because you're a servant. I sleep with-" He gritted his teeth and changed course, "It's because you're a man, it's because you are my servant and we're supposed to see each other everyday; it would be awkward if we were in some kind of relationship. It's because I don't want to be with anyone… I have to get married and produce an heir and I have no idea when. I want to make the most of my life before I'm stuck on some throne for the rest of it."

Merlin sniffed and turned away, he wanted to cradle him and tell him he was sorry. "I was weak and I took you to bed and I shouldn't have. I didn't know how you felt and I didn't care; I just wanted you and it was damn the consequences."

He looked at Merlin, taking in the sight of his destruction and for the first time appreciating exactly what his selfishness did. He'd lost his friend and his servant and managed to make the same person feel utterly worthless all in one single move; there was no way to amend it and just seeing that unmoving expression on his face was enough to tell him that. Ashamed, he looked away, trying then to conjure the next apology.

* * *

Review=MUCH LOVE AND COOKIES?


	2. Chapter 2

The darkness beyond the window was increasingly stifling, it felt as though the whole world was crashing around him, crushing from his lungs every breath and from his heart, the pulsing blood needed to keep him alive. He had to stop every now and then to catch his breath, keep himself upright. The stars glittered down on him like a mocking reminder that there was life beyond his own suffering and he desired nothing more than for the oblivion to swallow them up too. The door clicked shut softly and it only did to grate on his nerves further, it was an odd thought that one, to miss the sound of banging and clumsiness.

"Evening sire, I've brought you supper." Even that voice irritated him, smooth, barely a whisper and dripping with every ounce of respect a servant should have for his liege.

"I'm not hungry." Arthur growled and moved away from the window to observe the servant. He was shorter than Merlin, with light mousey hair. His face was tanned and dark freckles littered his face. Everything thing about the boy (and his properly proportioned ears) grated at the Prince's frustration and despite the fact he could see the boy was trying desperately to be a good servant, he wasn't Merlin.

"Very well, Sire. Shall I leave it here for you in case you change your mind?" Arthur didn't answer but moved to his bed and threw himself back on it. He ignored the boy until he had left, the door shutting swiftly and carefully behind him.

He had no reason to miss Merlin, it had been his fault that the man wanted nothing to do with him, his fault for giving into temptation. Besides that, it was un-princely to give in so easily to this ridiculous and wasteful emotion. It wasn't even as though Merlin had really gone far. True enough that every time he'd past him in the corridors or courtyard Merlin had conveniently been needed somewhere else, or found a room to hide himself in till Arthur had passed. And truer still that Merlin had not once spoken to him since he'd left the boy's room two months ago.

They'd been in the same hall last week for Morgana's birthday and whilst Arthur's new servant had been busy fetching more wine from the kitchen, Merlin had passed him and had not even raised his head to Arthur as he wished Morgana a happy birthday when Uther had not been around to berate him for inappropriateness. He'd not even turned when Arthur had stood behind him to share a joke with them both. In fact he had stiffened and edged away from them before Arthur had finished his sentence.

The door opened again and ignoring it, Arthur turned away from it and flicked his legs onto the bed.

"You miss him?" He hated Morgana, her ability to read his mind was oddly disturbing and annoying. How dare she even bring it up? How dare she keep entering his room whenever it took her fancy?

Sitting up to stare coldly at her, he shook his head. "Who?"

"Merlin of course." The words sounded so familiar to their riding conversation all those months ago and even now they managed to echo in his head, mocking him like the rest of the world for his stupidity and obliviousness.

"Don't be silly." He answered and ducked his head away, if she saw his eyes she'd manage to draw out every last ounce of private thoughts.

"He misses you too. Gwen says he's not the same as he was, not as happy. You should go see him." The statement didn't even warrant a reply so he remained silent, pretending she had not spoken. It was a ridiculous idea anyway; Merlin had made it clear that he did not want to see him ever again. "You don't have to be in love with him Arthur, but you were still friends weren't you? You shouldn't feel ashamed to miss him. I'd miss Gwen terribly if she was not around."

"I'm not the same as you though. Merlin was not my friend, he was my servant. He was employed."

"You didn't employ him to sleep with you. You didn't employ him to die for you or to stick up for you. He was far more loyal than any other servant; far more than your new man. Gwen said Merlin looked sick when she told him you had found someone to take his place, it's obvious he wants you to take him back."

"No, Morgana. What he wants is for me to tell him I'm in love with him and I'm not really going to say anything like that, am I?"

Morgana sighed and sat on the bed beside him and looked at the dining table where the meal was still sat. Steam wafted the smell across to them but Arthur didn't look as though he was in any mood to sit down and eat so it was left ignored. He growled something under his breath and turning, Morgana offered a simple smile and stood again.

"Why not go prove you're the bigger man, above all this servant/master crap and go find Merlin?" She left with a small smile and closed the door only part way.

He figured that was just the thing with Morgana, so easily caught up in her romantic notions that she failed to see the reality of this life. Even if he did love Merlin, and he absolutely refused to believe such a thing anyway, such a relationship could never exist between them. Arthur was the Prince of Camelot, the future King.

It was hard though, not to keep remembering how this new servant failed to excite him in the ways Merlin had: Merlin who had argued with him, mocked him; refused a good percentage of his orders and Merlin who had lain beneath him looking utterly terrified and then gloriously delighted in a matter of minuets. Merlin even managed to make him laugh on the odd occasion, make him smile when he was stressed. Arthur was only vaguely aware of how cheesy it all sounded and how it all went against everything he had just claimed: he did not love Merlin.

It was as much of a surprise to him as it was to anyone else that he found himself leaving his chambers and storming down the corridors. As he moved, servants and Knights alike stepped aside to let him pass through and it was only on the stairs that he had any real destination in mind. Gaius' chambers were less than a few feet away and he was heading straight for it without and real indication as to why or how he'd gotten there.

However, he was now stood before it, fist rapping against the splintering wood with urgency he didn't even know he felt.

"Ah, sire." The elderly physician sounded almost as startled as Arthur felt. The old frame stood in the doorway, looking out at Arthur through dirt speckled glasses. Brow furrowed into a disapproving frown; one which had always shamed Arthur as a child into ducking his head and spilling his truths.

"Gaius. I'm looking for- Was wondering whether- Is Merlin here?"

Gaius, if it were possible, looked mildly amused as he bowed his and shook it gruffly. Eyes peering over his spectacles as he answered in his usual simmering on exhaustion tone, "No sire, I'm afraid not."

"Very well then, can you tell me if has yet to seek employment elsewhere?"

Gaius sent him a crooked smile and shook his head in the negative. "No, he has not. He is simply picking up my much needed supplies from the market." Arthur nodded.

"Sorry to have wasted your time then." He bowed and spoke with the courteous tone that had been installed since birth, but a tone that held almost no sincerity.

0**A**o**M**0**A**o**M**0

He heard him way before he saw him; the stomping footsteps resounding on the concrete floor behind him. Arthur froze, one foot lowered on the step beneath him, the other balanced on the edge of the corridor floor. Merlin came into view around the far corner, he could not see Arthur by the looks of it, he held a basket to his chest and bottles and jars of herbs and powers threatened to spill of the tightly wound edge of the container.

His mouth hung open but the words he had meant to form did not come out and so when he stepped back up on the main landing; an attempt to thwart Merlin's attempts to return to Gaius' chambers. The servant was already passing him before he managed to regain control of his limbs. He thrust a hand toward Merlin and tapped the boys arm. Proving how utterly terrible he was, he yelped in shock and stumbled, the basket fell from his grip and with a clatter rolled down the stairs. If it weren't for Arthur's unyielding grip on the boy's upper arm, he'd surely had followed suite. Instead he had been held back by the Prince; his back pressed tightly into the others chest, Arthur's warm breath fluttering across his hair.

Arthur could not have imagined how good it would feel to have that body pressed to him again, a small smirk settled on hips lips and it was all his will power that prevented a satisfied sigh from escaping his lips; it felt too right to be like this, like the past two months troubles all disappeared and that night loomed in some harsh nightmare. Temptation, as it always had, churned inside him, that neck; hidden behind that ridiculous scarf, those disproportioned ears, those perfectly shaped lips… All of it, all there ready and waiting for Arthur to attach himself to.

It was still late and the racket was sure to have woken up a few nearby. "You shouldn't be out." He whispered, though there really was no need for such in the wake of the smashed jars and spilled medical supplies. Merlin shivered against him before answering:

"There's no law against it anymore…"

It was true enough and there were a good amount of people out besides them. In fact, he'd passed at least half the servants in the castle on his way here.

"You can let me go now, sire."

To Arthur's horror Merlin sounded almost respectful, as though he had not been the annoying, persistent pain in his backside for the best part of a year. He sounded as though he did not know Arthur as anything more than his Sovereign. It was that shock that held Merlin closer, until the raven haired boy struggled in the grip and wriggled his way free.

"Merlin-"

But he didn't answer, he walked till he reached the first item on the floor and then swooped down to take the broken glass in his hands, and then to take up the grass like plant that had been contained in it. Arthur followed and swept some of the shards into his outstretched palm, he'd force Merlin to speak to him somehow.

"I'm sorry…"

When he received no answer he curled his fists in frustration; momentarily forgetting the glass and remembering seconds before the glass pierced. It would do him some good though, to feel pain; bring his senses back to the present rather than the fact Merlin's pale skin was glowing in the mix of moon and candle light. So he let himself bleed, wincing and hissing more the necessarily as the first shot of pain tingled through his hand.

At the noise, Merlin turned and his eyes roamed down to Arthur bleeding hand. "Are you ok?" Arthur would have smiled at the gentle concern written over Merlin's face and words.

"No." He moved closer to his servant, or rather, his ex-servant. Close enough that had he wanted to he could have kissed him with barely moving an inch. Merlin shivered again and looked away. Arthur wanted to break, tell Merlin everything that Morgana had already guessed. He missed him and whilst he knew he had no right to expect forgiveness, he needed Merlin to at least speak to him, look at him without looking so damn hurt. He reached up to touch Merlin's cheek with his uninjured hand. He watched intently as Merlin's eyes fluttered closed and smiled sadly despite the fact he wanted to berate himself for the weakness.

"Come back with me, Gaius will give you something for that." Arthur shook his hand and dropped his hand to his side.

"I wasn't talking about my hand…"

For the first time since they'd slept together, Arthur witnessed pure unchecked anger on Merlin's face; the skinny servant turned and with a glare that put even the King to shame, fixed his attention on Arthur; whom wriggled ashamed under the gaze.

"You don't have any right to feel anything." The blond was shocked beyond words, though Merlin had never thought highly of social class before and had never been unable to make comment on his feelings and opinions; this was quite beyond him; so much hatred oozing between his words. "You made me feel like crap." Arthur raised his brow in shock but Merlin seemed not to notice. "And now you want another go so you come back and mess with my head, try to make me feel sorry for you with your stupid cut hand…" And there is was a glimmer of the old Merlin, petulant, childish; idiotic and too caring for his own good.

It was very clear that he did not think the wound stupid; he'd immediately asked if he was alright, looked up at him with that beautiful narrow face etched with concern. He'd been so focused on the old Merlin he'd nearly forgotten the rest of what he'd said. He shook his head in the unprinceliest manner and reached out.

"I don't want to mess with you. I don't want that… I want you- your clumsy and pathetic attempts at being a manservant. I'm not going to beg you to come back; I'm just saying that if you change your mind, you're always welcome."

He was sure Merlin almost smiled at that as he looked away. But he didn't answer and all it did was fuel further frustration inside him. He could order Merlin back, march him to his chambers and force him to work but somehow, having Merlin by force did not feel the same as him coming willingly.

"Merlin-" He winced at his own voice sounding so whiny but could do nothing to remedy it now.

"I've got to get this done." And he stepped away as best he could and swooped down to pick up more of the herbs that had fell furthest from the Prince. He knew when to give up and at least for now he'd give Merlin what he wanted. With a sigh he stepped back and then moved away down the corridor, missing the way Merlin collapsed to the floor and sat on the stairs for an hour after his departure.

0**A**o**M**0**A**o**M**0

"Right, so you're just going to give up?" Morgana had the knack of making even the most stubborn of men want to put up their hands in surrender and even as she just stared at him; glowering, Arthur could feel himself ready to give in and beg forgiveness, anything to make her stop staring. He swallowed instead and turned back to the window, steeling his shoulders and neck as though in defence, he was sure it was a bad idea to turn his back on her…

"Arthur… You are the most- You know what, I don't care. Sit there and pout, Merlin deserves better anyway. I told you that, I told you he's not like you; he doesn't do fighting and your silly games."

He did turn to her at that, ready to snap at her or at least tell her she was wrong. Instead all he could do was close his mouth again and stare at the floor by her feet. He hated defeat but he had no ready-made comment or defence, he was and he knew it, in the wrong.

There was a knock on the door and it broke the silence at least. "Enter." Morgana called when it seemed Arthur would not. Gwen's head poked around the corner, she smiled at her mistress and then to Arthur before returning to look directly at Morgana.

"Do you need anything, Milady, or may I ride with Merlin? He is going to collect some herbs for Gaius, said he'd done something to the ones he got yesterday… I offered to help if it was ok with you." She was smiling shyly, seemingly uncomfortable with the amount of attention both Arthur and Morgana were giving her, finally Morgana nodded and sent her off before leaving with one last glare to Arthur.

"Gwen…" He heard her call, "Hold on and let me change, I'd like to come with you both." With a suppressed growl he stalked forward and slammed the door shut, he hated her more than anything else, she was right and he knew it but it didn't mean he liked it. Merlin did deserve better and he wouldn't put it past her to make sure he did get better. Most likely with Gwen, he hated her too. It angered him most though, that he was unable to identify exactly why he hated them both, so what if Merlin and Gwen were together? It made no difference to him; he just wanted Merlin's service and friendship, his personal life made little difference to him.

0**A**o**M**0**A**o**M**0

"Merlin! Merlin, hold on!" The boy was making good use of those long limbs as he sprinted through the trees.

For reasons unknown to him, he'd followed Merlin from Camelot through the Forest and to the lake beyond. He'd been doing patrol duty too, just turned on his heel and chased after Merlin without a word to his guard, he'd called to him several times and the first time, Merlin had turned his head, took note of him and then took sprinted and Arthur was only mildly ashamed to realise that his servant was a much speedier and more agile person than himself. Why those legs had never been put to good use before though was beyond his understanding and was mildly affronted that the other had gotten away for so long with acting as though his only pace was 'Turtle Speed'.

"Damn it Merlin! I order you to stop now!" He called, his voice echoed in the trees but nothing else came of it, the brunette only ran faster. The faster Merlin moved the faster Arthur was forced to do the same, only he couldn't keep up and as sweat ran down his face, the boy seemed to lose himself beyond the Prince's reach.

"MERLIN!" He tried one last time and nothing, within minuets he was gone, out of sight and that panic had him screaming his name. It seemed to go on for hours before someone grabed his shoulders…

It's not the most elegant of awakenings but he's sure he's never been as pleased to wake as he is now.

"Sire?"

"Get off me." Arthur growled, and pushed the servant; whose name he still can not be bothered to know, away from him. He sat up, drenched in his own sweat and wondering fretfully why any dream or nightmare or whatever it was, should involve Merlin running from him.

He can't bare it any longer, it's been another month. Three months since he'd really had a proper conversation with his manservant, ex-manservant, he corrects bitterly. And another day is going to kill him; quite literally too, he fears.

He pushes back the covers and locates his clothes from the end of the bed before leaving his startled new servant to wonder what he was supposed to do now.

0**A**o**M**0**A**o**M**0

Merlin was stood in the Courtyard talking to Gwen as Arthur stood at the top of the stairs watching with beady eyes as Gwen laughs, leans forward and pecks Merlin's cheek before turning and with one last wave and disappeared in a side door he knew was a short cut to Morgana's corridor.

It seems as though Merlin is about to head his way when he suddenly spots Arthur, pauses in his movements then turns away and heads in the opposite direction. It is only then, with Arthur following close behind, does a third figure appear.

Lord Byrne. He is a tall, bearded fellow from his father's court and notorious for his thuggish ways. Arthur frowns in confusion as the man barks an order and Merlin turns to follow him.

"No Boy, I told you to report to me!" He's caught up with Merlin now and even as the Prince observes them both, he slaps Merlin around the back of the head. Arthur's sure his eyes pop out as he watched Merlin cringe momentarily before muttering something Arthur presumes to be an apology; and to which is confirmed when Byrne speaks again.

"Yes, damn right you are sorry. I do not like my servants to slack off from their duties; I've already told you, you'll be punished for every wrong doing until you get it through your thick head what I expect from you. Got it?" The man growls at him, one bear like hand grabbing Merlin's upper arm.

Merlin would be dead by the end of the week; the fool couldn't do a damn thing right in Arthur's service, what made this man any different? He could barely stand the idea of Merlin being flogged and tortured for his incapability's. In fact, it made him sick to his stomach to imagine all that beautiful snow-white flesh ruined by welts and scars, blood and bruises.

He was acting before he'd even taken a moment to linger further on a course of action.

"Excuse me, sir." He added out of politeness such a monster did not deserve. "You seem to have my Manservant."

"I don't work for you!" Merlin's insolent voice cried out at him but it was ignored by both men.

"I'm sorry My Lord but I think not, this child has been under my employment since early last week."

"That may be true but I'm afraid-"

"I don't work for you anymore!" Merlin shouted now,

"Dare you talk to the Crowned Prince in such a way?" The man growled, practically shaking the brunette and holding on to him tighter.

Arthur ignored Lord Byrne in favour of staring Merlin down, putting on a Princely-air, so well practiced other the years he used his superiority to win his favours. "As Prince of Camelot I decide who does and does not work for me, understand?" He returned to Byrne with a dark glare, daring him to refuse. "I'm am afraid, sir that you have been deceived. I have not given Merlin leave and therefore he is still under _my_ employment. You will have to find another servant." He paused, unsure how exactly he'd managed to go this far without actually thinking a word of it through. "As a sign of my sincerest apologies on the matter I shall send you one of my best men, you will not go without for long."

He grabbed Merlin's other arm and tugged, Byrne seemed not to want to let go and for two ridiculous seconds the pair of them played a game of tug of war with Merlin in the middle. It was only at Merlin's squeaked 'ow' did Arthur let go with alarm; Byrne followed suite and looked sheepishly at Arthur with barely contained anger simmering under the surface.

"Very well My Lord, how can I refuse, my liege's fine offer?" He bowed and with one last glowering look at Merlin stalked off.

"What did you do that for? I need to work, Arthur!"

"Did you not hear? You work for me."

"No."

"Merlin…" He warned.

"No." The insolent boy repeated and stormed towards the gates, far from Byrne and further from Arthur. But he wasn't about to give up yet, he couldn't. He'd won him back; he'd saved him from certain cruelty. Admittedly by sending another to that doom but all the same, Merlin was worth more than 'what's-his-name?' who'd sought the job after _his_ Merlin vacated it.

"Merlin!" No reply. He followed a few feet behind, walked with Merlin as he stumbled through the forest; eerily like his dream but without the blasted running.

"Merlin, wait." Still no answer but he knew better than to keep calling, so he followed silently, allowing Merlin some space.

The afternoon sun was well up in the sky by the time Merlin stopped by the shore of the lake. A soft breeze rippled the water's surface and a few fish jumped up, leaving ringlets here and there. The trees around them swayed in the light spring breeze and the freshness of the air relaxed the tension between them. Merlin sniffed but he wasn't crying; not yet at any rate, he just stared off at the mountains in the distance, pretending Arthur was not behind him.

"Merlin." He breathed, standing as close behind him as he dared.

"You had no right!"

"He'd have worked you to death, I know him. He'd him whipped you, tortured you when you got it wrong!"

"What makes you think I'd get it wrong?"

"Merlin…"

"Where am I supposed to work?"

"With me… Merlin, please listen to me? I had too; I had to get you away from him. I couldn't bare the thought of him hurting you, you deserve better." He voiced Morgana and shuddered at the thought.

"I can look after myself."

"No you can't. You're useless, clumsy, and loud, you can't follow orders and when you do you mess it up, you back chat, you mock, you make unnecessary messes. You're loyal and you challenge me, you force me to be better, you make me see sense and you make me laugh. I've never had a servant like you… That snotty-nose boot licker bores me, Merlin, and as a citizen of Camelot you should feel obliged so save me from that boredom."

Merlin laughed at that and Arthur himself was smiling. He hadn't realised that his hands had been holding the boy's shoulders. "Please…"

"I can't forgive you."

"I'm not asking you too, I'm asking you to come back and work for someone who isn't going to near kill you in order to get breakfast on time."

"No, but you'll bully me and call me names." But Merlin was smirking and Arthur could near enough see the perfected banter between them becoming more and more as it had once been.

"If I didn't you'd have no reason to do the same back, then where would we be?"

"Bored."

"Exactly. Now, you coming back to the castle, you moron? My legs ache and I'm filthy now. I'll need a bath and a fresh set of clothing; these will need to be washed too of course. I'm feeling peckish too, haven't had breakfast, you'll need to fetch lunch. And after that my armour needs mending, my sword sharpening…"

Merlin laughed softly and followed slowly behind Arthur as the Prince listed off every job in existence that he needed Merlin to do, not once waiting too see if Merlin followed or if he did indeed intend to get his job back.

"Oh, and Merlin?"

"Yeah?"

"_Yes_ what…"

"Prat?"

"Merlin." He growled in feigned annoyance.

"What, _sire_?"

"I'm sorry I don't love you…"

"I'm sorry that I do." He answered after a beat; His face down and resigned.

Though he doesn't know how it happened or why it happened so quickly after months of nothing, Arthur has never felt so glad to have Merlin at his side. He won't question it now, not now he has finally won. And he won't question that exciting bleep in his heart that bounces and rejoices that Merlin's back and he'll ignore too how in his heart of heart's, he isn't just glad Merlin will in time forgive him, he's glad because really, someone loves him and that someone is the one person Arthur himself can imagine loving in return. Someday… Maybe.


	3. Chapter 3

_For everyone demanding a happy ending! Here you are. __ The other two chapters can be read as a standalone if you want to be without the cheesy romance ending. ;) _

_Enjoy!_

-

In the old days he would have just assumed that Merlin was skiving because the idiot boy did what he wanted and was pretty much always late. However, after the disaster that had been there one night stand just over two months ago, Merlin had been the servant he'd never been before. He arrived early, did chores quickly and with an accuracy that Arthur had once thought impossible. He should have been delighted but it just further proved how their relationship was now nothing. Merlin did his jobs to avoid having to talk to the prince or to avoid staying longer than necessary. He hated that, hated not having someone to joke with after hours of training. Merlin made everything easy and light in a way no one else could but Arthur had managed to ruin that.

That was how he had found himself walking to Gaius' at twelve in the afternoon, ready to drag his once again ridiculous servant up to his chambers. But having entered it was clear there was something wrong. Gaius was over a stirring pot, a frown on his face and he looked older somehow.

"Where is he?" He asked as he stepped in and Gaius finally turned to look up, gave the Prince a blank stare and then finally answered gravely.

"In his room, Sire. He's sick."

"What's wrong with him?" He managed, already starting toward the boy's room.

"We aren't sure."

Arthur made short work of the steps that led to Merlin's room and pushed the door in. Guinevere was sat at his beside; she didn't look up, probably assuming it was Gaius who had entered. She was holding a damp cloth to the dark haired lads head with one hand and holding his paled one with the other. Merlin's face was like snow, the usual pink of his cheeks gone completely. In the weak light from the window, Merlin could almost be described as gray. His lips had a blue tinge and were dry and chapped. Worse of all, when those lips parted to suck in a deep breath, the chest rose slowly as though in pain. Even Arthur, who had no interest in medicine, could see that Merlin's lungs were not filling.

Guilt flooded him, Merlin had been complaining of being ill yesterday. He'd been dizzy on his feet and his eyes had been bloodshot. Out of sheer desire to have Merlin around him, he'd denied the man leave to rest and now he was at deaths door. His jaw gaped open as he watched the other, his friend or perhaps his more than friend was suddenly panicking as he tried to draw breath. Guinevere soothed him with gentle words and whispered softly:  
"Slowly, breathe slower."

Merlin didn't seem to hear her, his fingers were grasping madly at the bed and he rolled his head to the side, toward the breeze floating through the window.

He hadn't stayed; the Prince had fled in panic.

-

Two days later, Merlin was still sick. Morgana had come to visit him in the morning, had gave him a pitying look before sending him down to Gaius' quarters.

Once again, the mood was sombre in the Physician's rooms. Everything was so eerily silent. It was dark when he entered and he passed through the room quickly. Merlin's room was equally as dark as the downstairs had been, Gaius and Guinevere sat either side of the bed and under a heap of covers he could make out the shivering outline of Merlin.

"No better?" Arthur managed as he stepped closer to the bed.

He quickly learned that Merlin was now frozen when the day before he had been too hot. He struggled for breath still, the terrible shudder of his frail chest rising made Arthur heart clench. There was though a tinge to Merlin's cheeks. A rose-red blush had spread across his face. He was both hot and cold at the same time and neither Gaius nor Guinevere seemed to know what to do about it. Merlin let out a feeble moan and his eyes clenched tight. He hated seeing the boy in so much pain; it made his own body ache and the bile rise in his throat. He sat down on a chair at the end of the bed, arms crossed across his chest and eyes focused on the gentle rise and fall of Merlin's breath intake.

The room was quiet except Merlin occasional cry of pain, once or twice he heard a barely murmured beg for his mother. That seemed to stir tears in Morgana's maid, for the girl bowed her head to Merlin and kissed his cheek. Gaius had promised to call Hunith, or whatever the woman's name was, if Merlin was no better after a week. However, after the third cry for her in the space of an hour and the elderly man stood. Arthur watched him with tired eyes and barely acknowledged him as he said softly to his ward.

"I'll send for her, ok? She'll be here soon, Merlin."

The boy's cries stopped and he went back into a fitful sleep, wheezy breaths drawing in air too sharply and too fast, yet he seemed more at peace now he knew he'd have the care of his mother. Arthur had often wished for his own mother when he was sick, instead he had wet nurses or nanny's to comfort him, later in life he had even had Morgana at his side.

-

Hunith arrived within three days and had taken permanent residence beside her son. There seemed some improvement in Merlin, his breathing was better and a little colour had lessened the snow of his flesh. Arthur watched awkwardly from the doorway or a corner of the room as Merlin had been petted or kissed. Each time the boy opened his blue eyes and focused bloodshot orbs on his mother he'd smile, delighted and reach a weak limb out to her. The blond always felt jealous when he saw this, at first he had thought it was merely because it must have been wonderful for a mother to first travel so far so quickly to get to him and then to stay awake all night in desperate fear something would happen if she slept.

But then when Guinevere sat opposite the mother and they'd take it in turns to croon comforting words to the sick servant or to peck him gently on the forehead, cheek or even his knuckles, Arthur realised it was little to do with the attention of a doting parent and more to do with the freedom and ability to show such love and affection.

With each passing day something tugged at his heart and made him almost sick. He skipped training sessions, meetings and even meals to lurk in Merlin's room and simply watch. No master would do such a thing for a servant and no friend would take such measures either. With every breath the boy took, Arthur could sigh in relief and each cry of pain could make the Prince shake in fear. The awkward tension that now seemed years ago that had followed their night of passion seemed to register something new in him.

Merlin, desperately, hauntingly beautiful Merlin; who lay violently sick now, was Arthur heart. He felt stupid now, stupid to be jealous that Merlin's mother and friend could love him openly, could hold him and tell him just how much they loved him. Stupid to remember telling Merlin that he didn't love him, how had he not realised it before? The realisation of it was so obvious. Morgana had seen it ages ago; perhaps he'd felt it too and simply not understood because that boy had been everything for so long. Arthur's every thought and desire had revolved around his servant, one night had quenched only one aspect of it but the emptiness he had felt for weeks after had little to with losing a valued friend, it had everything to do with Merlin: Beautiful, sweet Merlin who had been crushed by the greed of the Prince.

-

Later, much later when Gaius had persuaded Hunith to sleep and when Guinevere had retired begrudgingly to her chambers. Arthur convinced Gaius to leave him alone with the still sick Merlin. Once the old man had left, the Prince had sat on the bed; the closest he had dared to get since it all began. Merlin gasped in breath like a drowning man, the blond took a deep breath himself before he reached out and grabbed the young warlock's hand in his.

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry for how I treated you." He whispered and watched Merlin's face closely. The boy only winced in his sleep and let out a deep groan of agony.

The Prince reached out and stroked down the boy's heated cheek and frowned. Why could he do nothing to ease the suffering of someone he loved? Merlin jerked awake with a cry broken from his dry lips and throat. Arthur reached for the goblet of water beside the bed and then forced his manservant's head up and then tipped the water into house mouth. Merlin swallowed greedily, weak arms trying to force Arthur to tilt the glass more.

When he'd finally had enough, Arthur lowered him gently back to the pillow. Merlin watched him through tired eyes and Arthur could find no reason for him to be half asleep. Whilst Merlin had spent most of the week sleeping, Arthur had laid awake fretting and trying to make sense of why it hurt so much to see Merlin ill.

"Hi." The servant croaked and tried to smile but it was more a wince.

"Hey... Feeling better."

Merlin tried to nod, jerky movements that possibly hurt him far more than it should. Arthur raised a hand and pressed it to Merlin's cheek to stop him moving.

"Hands- Ha-... Cold." He stuttered and Arthur grinned and pulled away.

"Looks who's talking, like touching an ice cube." Merlin laughed a little and his head rolled back, eyes closing simultaneously.

"Night." Arthur whispered and lent down, then pulled back, before finally realising that no one would know... He bent over again and ghosted a kiss across Merlin's lips, forehead and lips again.

-

Merlin steadily improved. Two weeks elapsed since the kiss that only Arthur would know about. When finally Merlin was well again, Hunith left and Merlin returned to work. His was weak and slow about everything, Arthur found himself watching the boy closely as though expecting him to collapse. His breathing, though better, still pained him and he struggled with air after climbing stairs of lifting anything heavy. It was agony to watch and many times Arthur had sent him away early. Guilt for not doing so before had made him over-compensate.

He caught Guinevere with him one day. She sent strange looks over the servant and it was clear too that she expected him to fall over. It made him jealous again; it was his job to take care of Merlin, not hers... Yet at the same time, he could plainly see her concern was sisterly or even motherly, he saw no romance in her gazes or smiles nor anything in Merlin's laughter and grins in return.

-

Changed for bed one night and sipping his wine slowly, he watched Merlin with eager eyes, coughed and then looked away. He found himself wanting to say something that he knew he ought not to. But Merlin stared at him with piercing blue eyes and he found it was out of his mouth before he could even think it through.

"I- Merlin, I was worried."

"I'm fine."

"I nearly lost you... You could have died. I don't think I could have bared it."

Merlin's smile wavered; he seemed confused and shuffled from foot to foot, hands frozen on the coat he was folding.

"I realised something, something I should have realised ages ago. There's something about you, something-"

"Yeah, I know... You've told me that before, you don't need to explain. We're friends, I get that. I know you're concern was for a friend and not for me as anything more than that.

"Merlin, you idiot, let me finish." Merlin nodded his head a little, frowning at the Crowned Prince.

"Morgana noticed it months ago, so did you and I was too stupid or afraid; I don't even know what! But something stopped me seeing it. You aren't a friend Merlin, what I said... What I said before about not wanting you, about not loving you... When you were in that bed and I could feel you struggling to breathe, I thought I'd die with you. I knew, Merlin, I knew if you left that there would be nothing in this world worth staying for.

One day I will be King and one day I will have to marry and produce an heir, but it doesn't mean I'm not allowed... That I can't, I... Merlin..."

Arthur faltered, unsure how to finish and bowed his head and covered his face with his hand. This was ridiculous because he'd never been good at expressing feelings unless they were of the negative kind. Merlin took pity on him and still too pale to be healthy and still unbalanced, he wobbled closer to Arthur.

"Arthur, I-"

The one way he knew always proved affective to both shut Merlin up and sufficiently 'woo' the object of his affections was to kiss them and prove exactly why every girl in the land fell at his feet.

He stood; standing only an inch shorter than Merlin. It made it easier to kiss him, no stooping low to kiss a girl, he'd just move forward and he'd have Merlin well within his grasp.

The kiss wasn't dramatic like he had anticipated it would be. Sweet, tender and everything their relationship wasn't but it was completely and utterly perfect. Merlin sighed, the happiest and warmest he'd felt to Arthur since their night.

"I'm sorry." The Prince whispered to the air, he didn't often say it but this time it was for Merlin to hear, not for his unconscious to take note of.

Merlin kissed him instead of answering and for once, just for that moment in time, nothing else mattered. No distant future in which Arthur would be wed or a father, no Uther, no Guinevere and no Camelot.

Just Arthur and Merlin in a room lit by moonlight.

* * *

Authors notes: Am I forgiven for the angst?


End file.
